Feel the fear and ….

….don’t do it …..no ,no do it screams the other half of me …

All this ,has been brought on by my imminent holiday . Half of me is already there , whilst the other half of me  is debating why I shouldn’t  go.

That half that is refusing to go ,  is that side of me that feels currently battered & bruised by various events the last few years . It is that part of me that feels safe in the familiar ,even if that means the four walls of my house.

How I wish its voice was quiter ,but currently it is on red hot panic mode .

Despite all that inner noise ,that part of me that craves to experience and see new things ,calmly tries to take over and quieten my little stressed,anxious part.

I want to move myself from the place of feel the fear and don’t do it ,to feel the fear and do it.

Fingers crossed I do it ,one week remaining .

(All this convincing for sure would have been much easier in the summer or if the destination was dry,warm and sunny…!Winter makes the challenge just a bit harder ).

#mind

#holidays

#stress

#feelthefearanddoit

#healing

#spirit

#onestepatatime

I sit in darkness …

#mind

#light

#healing

This year I have found myself frequently sitting in the dark …somehow I have developed an aversion to the artificial lights …

Well , I don’t mind soft dimmed lights …Makes moving around the house, so much fun…

The only areas with full lighting on are the bathroom and the kitchen …

But in the living room , I prefer the darkness allowing only for the distant lights from other rooms and TV’s light, to sip through …

There in the dark and in silence, that’s where my soul finds solace and my mind rests…

There in the dark , I am more appreciative of the flicker of a candle, of the soft rays of a lamp-post penetrating through the big window….There in the dark, my anxious mind seems to be able to slow down…

 

#naturalstatesofbeing #gramaticallyincorrect

#solace

#rebalancing

#recharging

Have you noticed…?

Have you noticed how exhausted you feel around stressed people and how those that struggle with accepting change make you feel?

This year,I have become a lot more aware of this . Due to work circumstances ,my colleagues and I have undergone a tremendous ammount of change . This change has brought out to play Miss Anxiety ,Mr Egoist ,Mr Must I do everything around here ,Miss They Got it in for me , Mrs Paranoia, Mr Push and Shove and Mrs Oops I DID Again .

With so many emotions ,wills ,fears and conspiracy theories released in my work atmosphere, this year has left me feeling drained ,in need of some serious R&R and with an intense longing for isolation .

My inability to protect myself from absorbing all that is around me, potentialy might have something to do with my older state of being (such things were so much easier to handle in my 20s rather in my 40s , where they really ?)…and with finally admitting to myself that actually, I too struggle with change … ✳✳✳ #mind

I used to think …

…that I was good at writing ,but the last few years everytime I stare at a blank page the only thing I seem to be able to do is Doodle … I sincerely hope that blogging will help me find my writing voice again !!!

Small Steps at a time ✅